Monday, July 09, 2007
~ Monday, July 09, 2007 ~
I haven't updated for about... two months already? o_O
Lol... been busy lah. Exams, exams... My results were satisfying, but, as usual, were light years away from what my parents expect. Ah well. They sometimes expect too much.
And so I'm going to finally get to the point.
Bapa sees my phone bill and goes all %$£@TQGTWRGBvfdfdasvbaf on me. He was like "How come your bill is so high? It even exceeds mine, and I do this for business and blah blah blah...!"
Okay, before I give my comments on this, let me just say something. I am going to sound like an utter bitch and spoiled brat, because I am a teenage girl who was snatched from the place which I was more than happy to call my second home.
Convent.
Sure there were so many ridiculous rules (please tell me WHY I can't bring my drawings to school?) but I still loved it. When things came down to things, I love Convent. It's hard not to when I was there for eight years. Eight. Even without the people in the school, it's still a very, very important place to me. And let's say Convent was just the students without the building, I still love Convent. The students make the school, and...
But no. Now I'm in a school, 300km away from home, missing EVERYTHING. Seriously. EVERYTHING. KTJ is a horrible, horrible place filled with seriously messed up people stuck in the middle of nowhere.
At least, that's what I would have told you last time anyway.
Not that the above facts are farse. But what I hate about KTJ isn't what IS there. It's what ISN'T.
Before you get all confused, let me tell you something. I am the sort of person who can deny somethinhg really hard, if the truth of the whole situation makes me seem like... someone I don't want to be. It takes some time to realise that, but after certain experiences, I find this out about myself. I say Ihate KTJ. I loathe it. I totally and utterly despise it. I'm not lying.
But it's not the school's fault.
It's mine.
And it took so long for me to realise this because I possess this trait called SELF-DENIAL. It's not that hard actually. All you have to do is turn a blind eye on the truth of the matter.
So why is it so hard for me to like KTJ? Simple.
Bitterness.
I can blame it all on the students, walls, food, housing, water supply, flies.... But it's not true. And I know it.
It's not easy to know how much I missed by leaving Convent. It became worse as I realised that O's didn't matter as well - SPM is just as good, even better. The international level, of course (Singapore's standard is inhumane). It doesn't help that everytime you call your friend, message her and so on, she tells you how mch the school has changed, what has happened..
How much I've missed.
Bapa's been complaining about my phone bill. Says that on average, it should be about RM40. All you need to know is that its usually 40-50 more than it should be. I've been trying to cut down - I swear - but unlike AIMAN (whose bill is around RM30) I am a GIRL.
Okay, if that doesn't help, this might.
I am a TALKATIVE girl.
Oh, yeah, this as well.
I am a talkative girl making OUTSTATION calls.
Ooooh, wait wait wait. This one too.
I am a talkative girl making outstation calls from a MAXIS line to a DIGI line.
Ah, yes. That's much better. Let's change the word 'girl', shall we? To something more expressive. So it'll become something like...
I am a talkative teenager who is depressed, bitter, desperate, has shifted 300km from her hometown to go to a co-ed boarding school from an innocent nun school which she hasn't left since she was eight making outstation calls from a MAXIS to a DiGi line.
Ah. Plus the fact that I'm the only daughter as well as the youngest kid, so I've probably been spoiled the most.
Then again, if I feel so fucked up listening to what I'm missing, why not just smash the phone? Ceh. I wonder why. I'm a growing teenager missing so many things. Blame me. I'm the one who agreed to go to the fucked up school anyway. It's not like I was chained to the backseat and driven all the way to Seremban from JB. Urgh. I never had ANY problems before I went there. I'm serious. None. Nada. Zero. Zilch. Zip. Kosong. Nothing.
And the huge difference about having a problem in Convent and a problem in KTJ is that in Convent, I've got friends. In KTJ? I have a fucked up room mate and another who's too much off a romantic and optimist it gets irritating. I mean, there are other people, but Grace seems to be the only one I dare confide in fully. Joanne's always with Vady, but she's also a person I can trust.
I have no idea what to think about Jun, but I believe I can trust her. I just watch my step.
My bitterness is something I've never mentioned to anyone. This is the first time. I might just tell Anu and Alyaa when I meet them on Wednesday but... I don't know.
Until then, I'm changing my blog URL again.
